Distractions

     Eyes closed, a full three hundred and sixty degrees of awareness, conscienceness, awaken to the realization. For the first time in my life, I can feel nothing. Nothing of great significance. Nothing of value, true value… A ray of piercing sunlight breaks between the pigeon shit covered ledges, some ten stories in the air, brushes warmth against my eye lids, and in a single step, it is gone. For a moment, I long for its return. Then that too fades. As quickly as strangers in passing place judgment on each other or the smile of a child can warm the heart.

     I have taken a sum of thirteen steps with my eyes closed. Hearing the hustle and bustle surrounding me. That constant grind of gears… Roar of traffic… buzz of an electronic society… the grand and glorious digital age. We are all supposed to be so proud of. After all, these are our "accomplishments", are they not? This is "progress", the information era, is it not? Then why are so many, so badly misinformed? Why does no one seem to care, nor even notice the world around him or her?

     The earth breathes, or should I say, wheezes beneath our feet, masked by the layers upon layers of side walk, asphalt, cinder block and brick. The super highway for the faster man…the song of the wind. And yet, they call this "progress". It seems to me that we are only "progressing" further and further from, the essence of life. And as we march along following the tune of some elusive piper of prosperity, we grow ever closer to losing ourselves in the process.

     Who are we? Do you have a clue as to your true feelings, or do you believe what you have been told? Do you take time to seek answers, or, just accept what you are fed?

     I, like many others, am not sure of much these days! I find it hard to commit to a decision. I am confused. Yet, I know this much. I am not my job. I am not my ethnic classification. Nor am I the shoes I wear…
     I open my eyes…and…damn; there it is again! Has anyone else noticed this cluster fuck of…words, logos, labels, directions, advertisement, and slogans everywhere you look? It is literally fucking up my eyes! It can’t be good to take in that much useless information in one glance. There are directions on shampoo! And signs on everything, everywhere! "Go here, go there, walk here, stop there, stand, stay seated, on, off, up, down, blah blah blah blah blah fucking blah!" this week I saw one that said, and I quote…"This sidewalk NOT for pedestrian use"…Why, then, is it here? A million ads a day invade my view. Tons of unnecessary instructions attack my senses on an hourly basis. Slogans and jingles are beginning to invade my daily conversations. Yesterday, I was taking a shit when suddenly I thought, "If you need a car or truck …go see Cal!" Cal Worthington and his dog Spot…Who the fuck is he, and why is he in my head? I washed my hands…hot…cold…antibacterial soap…A half-smudged Zest logo (even with it only partially readable I know it’s Zest…like a good little consumer should.)…Schick…And, oh my god, the lotion bottle's back words! There must be at least a hundred different words on the back of this greasy piece of shit. I cannot even pronounce some of the stuff my view has just collected in one quick glance! And they wonder about schizophrenia? Shit, we have made it so easy, I didn’t even know how to spell that, and my computer did it for me. Think no more my friends. We will do it for you…Ponder not your meaningless existence. Pay no mind, to your fellow man, nor your current situation. Just watch the numbers on the screen and read the latest greatest news…Get hip…keep up…Stay in touch… And don’t forget "This Bud’s for you"…

     Yeah, Follow the bouncing ball, right? Could it be there is something else happening here? Something so obvious, it becomes subtle. Why is almost everything advertised on a large scale destructive to some extent? From cigarettes to laundry soap, new cars to leather couches? We can have scientific proof that something is going to kill us, and we still eat it! If they’ll sell it, we’ll buy it. "You know you really shouldn’t smoke this, It’s killing you. By the way, that’ll be five dollars and fifty cents…

I’ll take two!!!
     What is this?…what the fuck is going on?…

     A single tree is surrounded by low-income housing (which by the way is ridiculously high-priced)…dilapidated and crumbling…all of which is dwarfed by the silhouette of skyscrapers in the distance. Ah, yes. He takes the stones from under foot and stacks them toward the sky…Perhaps this is the reason why I chose to close my eyes.
     I tilt my head back, eyes closed, ignoring the hint of exhaust and chemicals in the air, and for an instant, the hum of traffic becomes the waves breaking on some distant beach. I pretend the ground, so hard, so cold, and so dead, is actually soft sand littered with the volcanic ash of a newly reborn world. Peaceful, serene, refreshing… a second chance of sorts… an awakening… freedom….
     The ground begins to rumble signaling the arrival of my bus. A thick burst of black smoke smothers my cool breeze. The sound of air brakes, forcing me to open my eyes. Watch your step the sign says, "No shit" I think.
     One last deep breath… One foot in front of the next… And in an instant I am right back in the drowning pool of distractions that is modern life. I quickly, quietly, move to the back… sit in my favorite corner seat… close my eyes… and think, I like the dark… there is less distraction here.